:)
-To me, it's always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?," you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."
-I think somebody should come up with a way to breed a very large shrimp. That way, you could ride him, then after you camped at night, you could eat him. How about it, science?
-If you're a cowboy, and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.
-It makes me mad when people say I turned and ran like a scared rabbit. Maybe it was like an angry rabbit, who was going to fight in another fight, away from the first fight.
-Why do the caterpillar and the ant have to be enemies? One eats leaves, and the other eats caterpillars. Oh, I see now.
-You know one thing that will really make a woman mad? Just run up and kick her in the butt. (P.S. This also works with men.)
-If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have to say.
-Here's a good trick: Get a job as a judge at the Olympics. Then, if some guy sets a world record, pretend that you didn't see it and go, "Okay, is everybody ready to start now?"
-Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
-It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
-In weightlifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatically disqualify you.
-If you go to a costume party at your boss's house, wouldn't you think a good costume would be to dress up like the boss's wife? Trust me, it's not.
-As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.
-A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."
-The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
-I think somebody should come up with a way to breed a very large shrimp. That way, you could ride him, then after you camped at night, you could eat him. How about it, science?
-If you're a cowboy, and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.
-It makes me mad when people say I turned and ran like a scared rabbit. Maybe it was like an angry rabbit, who was going to fight in another fight, away from the first fight.
-Why do the caterpillar and the ant have to be enemies? One eats leaves, and the other eats caterpillars. Oh, I see now.
-You know one thing that will really make a woman mad? Just run up and kick her in the butt. (P.S. This also works with men.)
-If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have to say.
-Here's a good trick: Get a job as a judge at the Olympics. Then, if some guy sets a world record, pretend that you didn't see it and go, "Okay, is everybody ready to start now?"
-Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
-It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
-In weightlifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatically disqualify you.
-If you go to a costume party at your boss's house, wouldn't you think a good costume would be to dress up like the boss's wife? Trust me, it's not.
-As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.
-A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."
-The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
posted by Prague at 12:56 AM
1 Comments:
HAHAHAA~! i like the one with the traffic lights! i should try that sometime!
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